Morning time came too soon. Just like most mornings do when your pregnant and cant sleep. I got up got dressed and waddled to the bathroom. Looked into the mirror and had to look down for fear of the tears to start again. I brushed my teeth. Then tried to get my Puma's tied on my own... ha yeah right mom had to tie them for me. Then I got in my son's fathers vehical and headed to the hospital. (yes everyone packed my things in for me) We drove the 45 minute to hour drive to the hospital.'
Got to the pre op desk filled out paper work and then it was my turn to go to my labor and delivery room. I was wheeled or walked to my room( sorry my brain is fuzzy with that part) I was told to change into a ugly gown(ha) and lay in bed. After a while the RN came in and took my pallse, blood pressure (still high dang it). She then put a IV in my wrist and checked me. Three centameters I had been three centameters for a month. Latter she started my IV floids, Magnizium, and Pitocin. Not telling me much about the meds which to this day bothers me. My mom was with me thee entire time. She understood what was going on but didnt tell me much, but that the Magnizium will make you feel hot and even more tired. It was then that the Nurses aid did something that Neither my mom nor I knew why or what she was doing? She was padding my bed handels. Aperently when you have Pre-eclamsia as bad as I did you can have a seizer. The nurses and doctors didnt want me to hit my head if that happened. Oh joy thank you for that and warning me Doctors!
Soon after the bed padding they checked me again 4 cenameters. Im in full on labor, but they had to break my water. Such a strange feeling. Im joking when I say this the meds and water break made my contractions come, come fast and hard. My mom and son's father laughed at me because I could not help but clench everything threw thee contractions and my eyes got so big! I could not speek talk or think..The meds did exactly what my mom oventally told me they would... hot and felt like the room was spining. It was when one of the contractions stopped I could say mom I want meds and I want them now!! A nap would also be nice! It seems that I recall them checking me one time before I asked for the meds I think I went to a 7 maybe. Mom said that she would be down the hall for a bit..( dont to it mom stay stay your going to regret leaving me ;) ) A nother RN came in and said before your nap/ epidaril we will have to check you again. Then they would call the anistia dr. Well to my surprise when they did FINALLY check me I was at a 10!! I was litterly ready to push... I had my son's father page my mom and page her and page her.. She didnt get them in time becuse as she was walking back down to the room she say hospital personle rushing around running ect. She came in the room as I had done one small push.
Side note
Since my Doctor didnt think I would progress in 4 hours she was on her way to the hospital and completely missed my beautiful sons birth. Saying I had a fast delivery is an understatement. I was in labor for 4 hours pushed three good pushes and he was out.( I will leave out the pain parts) Sadly the cord was wrapped around his neck and was a bit blue. No worries tho the "doctor" got him out safely and stitched me up!
But was I ever afraid when no one told me of his blueness.. he didn't cry for a good 40 seconds. Thoes where some of the scariest seconds of my life. They bundled him up and handed him to me! At 10:14 am on January 21'st 2003 Cody Lee ? was born at 6 lb's 8 ounces and 18 inches long. Everything around me got quite. I could not hear a thing but instead staring at my son. My most beautiful birth son. I have NEVER seen such a beautiful boy in all of my life. He was perfect in every way. Latter I LET my mom, sons father and guest hold him! :)
I had lots and lots of guest which got me into some isues with a mean nurse at the hospital. I will never forget that lady!! Made me so sad! How ever I could of used that nurse later... I say this as a birth mother who was not ready to let go yet. So please don't think Im selfish. I had a guest at the said atorney's Kirsh and Kirsh. As soon as I saw his face I started crying I was not ready to sign yet. He wanted me to sign after giving birth maybe two hours latter? He aggreed to come back the next day.
I however can never stop thanking my family for staying with me at the hospital and never leveeing my side untill the late hours of the night! My mom, dad and both brothers came to the hospital! I wanted them to stay with me at the hospital for the rest of my stay to be honest! That night I let my son sleep in the nursery for about 4 hours... then I asked for help to the ladies room and wanted him back. I got some much needed sleep and had him the rest of my stay at the hospital. I cried if my mom left the room for some reason.. to this day I dont know why I did that!
The next day I got to shower whoo hooo! ha! Then I was moved to a different room. It was then That I signed the papers and agreed that the adoptive family should come and finally meet there son! They were so sweet and were so excited! We took sooo many pics the hole time at the hospital. Espically when they arrived. The looks on there face's was the best thing to see! Cody's mother realized that I loved to shop, brought me options for Cody to go home in. I got to pick his going home outfit! One thing that I never thought I would get the chance to do! They stayed for about two and a half hours and left. They left so I could get some sleep for the next day I was to go home. As soon as that hit me I could not stop crying. I prayed to God all night long. I begged and pleated for alot of things. But I remember my last plea was for me to try to put on a brave face. A brave face for everyone in the adoption plan.
The next morning I got another shower. I did my hair, put on makeup and even snuck some perfume! (i could not wear during pregnancy it due to my all day sickness) I wanted to look the best I could for going home pictures! I can litterly see in my mind what Im going to describe now. My mom wheeled in a wheel chair I carried my son Cody to the chair and they wheeled me to the end of the room and I said goodbyes to Cody as the rest of the room talked and shared. I told him I loved him more than I love my self. I then handed him to his new father Bob and said good bye and hugged all of Cody's new family. They then wheeled me to one end of the hall and Cody walked in a hospital crib bed thing. When I turned around as we were wheeling down the hall. I just saw the back of Bob. They were all smiles I amuse.
The drive home was ok per say... my mom let Cody's birth father drop me off at home while she piked up burger king for me and my pain meds.What she didn't know was that Cody's birth father dropped me off and left me alone. When my mom got home she did the typical Steph were are you? I sobbed on the coach! Where is he? He... left.. mee alone mom!:( ( my 26 year old heart breaks for 18 year old me... but know I now have a amazing man that would never leave my side unless I told him too haha) It was then God sent me a friend to come visit... I was involved in church alot before I got pregnant and thought all that were in that group with me forgot about me.... One didnt( I will say her name just becuse I still brag to her how awesome she is) Joanna Cambell and her mom Lisa came to visit me at my home and helped so much!( I did have alot of my gf's come and see me but this one stood out so Heather B, KK, LD, Lenell, Jess and Val thanks ladies) But this gf showed me the gift of God in her sweet eyes and I love her for that!
What happen the next few days were not my best few days... Its a big blur of tears and my parents forcing me to eat. I had a visit with my councilor. It was then My dad asked her what we had to do to get him back. Lucky for Cody and his family I no longer had any wrights to him seeing that we live in Indiana. I was crushed. It felt like my heart feel out of my chest everyday. I hurt and I cried I slept and sat alone if not for my parents. yeah you guessed it lovely birth father was MIA for for days post placement. Big surprise. Ok I said I would be nice, hey I tried.
I went back to school two weeks latter... still in mental and physical pain. I had no choice. Just like I had no choice of my pain I was going threw. The only real thing I remembered being said to me that first day back was "I thought you lose weight after you gave birth" (ass hole children sorry). The only thing that got me thew was knowing I would receive pics of Cody at the end of the week and at one month, three, five, seven, nine and a year old.
But after all the pain I felt threw this adoption I know I did what was best for my son. I didn't say much of my reasonings to place in this blog post but maybe I will one day! I now know that I did what was best for me! God wanted and helped me threw all this time! With out God and my family I don't know where I would of been!
My son will be 8 years old next month. It is still a hard day for me, but I love it all the same! God blessed me with the best day of my life( yes as is Lil's birth)
I love my little adopted angel boy Cody Lee!
No comments:
Post a Comment