Our journey the led us to Adoption

This is our story of how we met and married and adopted our angel!

In the spring of 2006 I went to hang out one night with my Girl friend Kayte and her old neighbor Evan. Evan's parents were out of town, Evan always had parties when his parents were gone. ( we were about the drinking age but he loves parties at his parents house haha) Well on this very night we were going to drink & play drinking games. I showed up in my normal cute attire. I can tell you exactly what I was wearing! When I walked into Evan's kitchen I placed my purse and light coat on the chair and looked up. I swear I saw wedding bells... I saw Matthew Kyle P sitting in a chair sitting across from me...  He had a ITALIA shirt on double droool! I sit down and seriously could not for the life of me keep my eyes off of him! I was in a daze. I didn't talk much at first.. But then he argued with me about some thing...? I thought ok bring it on dude!;) We continued to play the drinking games and Matthew's shirt and jacket came up!;) I in my most sarcastic voice said what ever MATTT I like your shirts any way! "Thanks I have been there twice" "NOO WAY NO YOU HAVEN'T"!! "YES I HAVE" "My baby brother is Italian and I'm dieing to go with him one day! "Maybe we could go some day" " yeah okk" insert my huge eye roll! Alot more drinks and fun latter I pass out and wake up the next morning... To call Kayte she asked if I remembered much..? I said um no but I know Im marring that Matt kid! Yeah ok sweetie. IAM!!


 A few weeks go by and Matt and I are together and dating... I can say honestly that I fell harder and faster for him than I thought possible! On our second date to the Millano Inn I had liquid courage a martin and told Matt about Cody. He was nothing but supportive and proud of me! I knew I had a good guy at that second! I moved in with him in October...( I know right I was inn love)

By December I knew ok this is it! I may just be 22 years old but I found him and he is mine! In January as I said before we got Brody my puppy. That made it people two fur babies three!:) While we started dating I got to meet and fall in love with his mom, dad, sisters, and nieces and nephews. All of which one of his sisters did her first  round of IVF! She became pregnant with Twins a Boy and a Girl. On February 13th 2007 Lauren and Brennan were born!:) I was so so so excited! On Valentines Day we got to go to see them at the hospital. We had just had a awful  snow storm and getting  to the hospital was a bit scary. We ooogaled and awed at the precious miracle from God! We didn't get to hold them till latter they were so small and hooked up to alot of machines and wires. I could tell there was something wrong with Matt he had been acting all weird all day. I said oh Matt I just love them!  He said I know Aunt Steph.. I looked at him and said jerrrk I want to be!! With a huge smile on my face. We then went home and I made us a romantic dinner:). We ate Matt hardly touched his food?!  We then Sat down to watch The Note Book. Matt was taking FOREVER to come watch the movie... I was saying come on Matt!! He said want some of the chocolate you got me? I said yeah sure just get in here!! He FINALLY came in and said open the box.. I said ok well lets start the movie.. just open the box! Matt Got down on one knee and said Stephanie Nichole P( yes my initials didn't have to change right on man) will you marry me? I at this point in time am bawling my eyes out!!  OF COURSE!

We started planing and saving and fretting for our wedding! On September 22 2007 I married my BF Matthew Kyle. We had a pretty small wedding out side at Matt's parents home. We decided pretty much after the wedding that we should get married in the Catholic church. I was to go threw RCIA classes and become Catholic. We had a freezing beautiful Wedding in the catholic church on Valentines Day 2008.

By that time I had gone off of my Birth control pills ( December). We were like newly weds.. I never paid close attention to my cycle. I was enjoying "practicing" I was pretty regular with my period up until April of 2008. I was quite late but got my AF eventually. In May I started POS'S. Never a positive till that summer. It sadly was a false positive. At this time Summer of 08 we bought our first home together!:) We set up a room for our nursery. All a while never getting a positive again.We never thought that I had any isues since I got pregnant before. We had our first wedding Anniversary. Matthew gave me a scare and passed out the day or our dinner while giving blood.  December 2008 Matthew decided to go and give a sample to our doctor to see if we have some Infertility issues. When the tests came back they were not in our favor.

Matt was sent to a urologist. December 31st Matt had a surgery to see if our problem could be fixed. He has a Varicose seal. The surgery as the urologist told us both could help or completely harm his fertility that he had. The surgery went ok but was so very painful for Matt.It broke my heart to see him in this pain. I wanted to be pregnant. But I never wanted Matt to have another surgery again. Once he healed and had his check up, the urologist said that he may need one or two more surgeries. We would not know for a year if any of the surgeries worked(This was Martin Luther King Day). Again they could totally take away his fertility. Matt's urologist said you may have to do IVF. Matthew and I looked at each other because at that point and time we just could not go threw with it.( being Catholic) The doctor looked at me with tears in my eyes and said or you can adopt. After we explained we didn't want to do IVF. He told us to go home and think about it. I told Matt at lunch how much that it all hurts, I want a baby.. I don't care were it grows it will be in my heart! There are so many babies that need a good home. Can we think about adoption more?  I did a good thing for two people. Maybe someone will want to do this for us? He agreed we should still think about it. Maybe we need a small vacation.

We then decided to go on vacation to Philadelphia to rest and relax.The first thing we did in Philly, was to hop in a LIMO (I know right my husband is amazing to me) We then got the best Philly Cheese Stakes at Pat Kings. To this day we still crave it at least once a month. We also went to the city of brotherly love to see our favorite musical RENT!! After the musical like I said is a previous blog.. WE MET Anthony Rep.. OMG were we ever on a RENT high!:) The next Day we walked Philly again and shopped. When we got back to the hotel we took a nap. When I woke up I found a Philadelphia magazine. The cover had a huge print up of a woman and her husbands story to adopt. My heart new this was it!! We want a baby more than we want to win the lottery( we did and still do to this day) I showed the article to Matt... He stewed over it a bit. While I looked out the window. He said well do we want to try and do it? Uh yeah! We will have to call the agency I went threw when we get home! I also had my thyroid tested to see if something was up with me at my OBGYN. Everything came back normal? I let my doctor know our plans to adopt and our story that brought us to it. (She is not my favorite doctor ever)

We called and made an appointment with Kirsh and Kirsh for the Saturday after we got home. Sadly it got canceld at the last second for a birth! (dang it but yeahyeh for that baby) We rescheduled for  Valentines Day 2009! The day of our niece and nephews second birthday We were so excited! I could hardly keep it in! That day my SIL's SIL brought me a basket of baby boy toys and clothing that she didn't use for her brand new baby boy. We both got married at the same time frame. I felt like this was one of my first Infertility stab! Past Matthew's surgery of course.  Every one  was now well aware of our struggle to conceive.We latter that week called and paid for our enrollment fee and started our home study.

For now that is enough! Fewf that was long!! I will latter write about some of Lillian's adoption story and what lead us to want to do IVF at all.
Thanks for reading!:) The guy with Matt and the Jager is Evan.. the guy that set us up;) Yes I know!! haha:)<3 it..Neither Evan or Matt can looks at it much any more haha

I have a new feeling towards my son's adoption that I have never felt before

Today I did my little interview with our agency Kirsh &Kirsh. I'm helping out with some of their new advertisement. It is pretty neat! I enjoy telling my story. It was a little nerve racking but I handled it well.

While doing the interview I had the Corresponding specialist  check and see how my update was doing. She let me know threw my interviewer that she would give me a ring back! We got off the phone and about 20 minuets latter I got a phone call. The sweet lady let me know that all of Cody's parents phone numbers have changed. They tried to call all of them.. they are now occupied by a different person. They then decided to email, Cody's mother. She has yet to respond. Latter on in the week they decided to email her one more time. This time they attached one of the Lawyers into the conversation. If they do not respond to this email, a letter will be sent.

For a wile now I felt as if for some reason, their number has changed. I'm not sure why I felt this way. Maybe mothers intuition. Now knowing that I possible could not receive an up date I feel very numb and raw.I knew going in asking for a update it may not happen. But today  I started to feel anger. I have felt a lot of emotions with Cody's adoption. But never anger. If Cody's parents have chosen to keep me out of his life now... they are not whom I chose to be my little Angel Boy's Parents. Making me feel like I made the wrong decision. The mommy I picked loved me and would never keep my son from me.

I fear that in 30 minuets when it is his Birthday, knowing all of this could make the day even harder for me!
  But today is not all about me its about celebrating his birth and his wonderful life!  Happy 8th Birthday Cody Lee your Birth mother loves you oh so very much!




                                                                  Cody Lee

                                              1/21/2003 10:04 am 6lb 8oz 19 inches long

Martin King Luther Day 2011.. 8 years ago I was preparing to give birth ( not the date but the day)

So today I went with my gf Heather to Babies r us. She is do on May 24th of this year(duhhher stephanie).
I enjoyed helping here threw all of the things we used and liked. I also  picked up a few things for my little bf Lillian who got to go on this trip with us.:) I oohed and odd looked at new bedding, showed her my favorite swing etc. It all hurt that I may never get to shop here for us ever again. If That is what God wants, that is what he wants.



We then got back into my little lime green SUV and drove to "where ever she wanted" we were also celebrating her Birthday! Next stop The Mother Hood store. This was hard on me more than Babies R Us. While Heather tried on maternity wear I kept my eye and focus on Lillian. ( well yes she is  toddler) But more keeping my focus on how much I love her, how much I thank God for her every second of every day. We played and looked at books. I watched Heather shop and was excited to think of how big she going to get.

We talked about her pregnancy, my pregnancy, my IVF, and everything in between. Then we drove her home. I was headed to get Matt and I Olive Garden.. But as soon as I left all I could do was cry or hold back my tears. This week is hard for me.  But its especially hard doing this after my embies are in heaven looking down on us! Heather still has no clue to what my due date would be... and we are going to keep it that way! I feel like I talk about my IVF failure enough she doesn't need to know!

My thought to my feelings from today now are as follows. I once had a pregnancy, I loved being pregnant. Yet no one loved that I was pregnant. I am a mother that got thee BIGGEST BLESSING IN THE WORLD, from the most amazing and wonderful woman I know. ( I know if this sounds awful please know Im in some emotional pain today) I may never have a pregnancy that every one is excited for me for, I may never get to wear maternity clothing. Maternity clothing that was not over ten years old and hand me downs. I may never get that picture of Lillian holding a baby brother or sister... ever!! AND THAT SUCKS!!  Im the most blessed and grateful mom in the world. But my heart wants what it wants. I have gave my self shots, taken thyroid pills, poas and watched my husband have surgery to have debt... debt.

I may not know what my lifes journey is going to end up like. But God Thank you for my gf Heather, my Son, my Daughter and my Husband!! With out pain in life we will never appreciate what good we have!
Im am blessed to have the people  around me that truly support and love me!! In real life and twitter.

This is all as its my bed time! Loves! <3

Some things getting me threw helps to cry sometimes, but still smile!!

Things that are hard for me but are making me smile at the moment!

Pictures from last IVF :) We were alowed for Lillian to go back when our embies were transfered :) momma loves you two!! and my belly with 12 follies! 12 Im 105 dripping wet I was distended to say the least!

I hope that this video works!! I dressed like Natile for my Christmas dance when I  pregnant with Cody... Just like Natile crimped hair and black and rose dress. ( dont have pics as I was huge) I sent a cd of the song to Cody for Valentines day!! Turns out another one of my Birth mom friends sang it to her little man too! I love having new Birth mother friends!! I love you guys thank you so much for being u!! xo fingers crossed it worked! But here is me in the same dress on Christmas eve!

Today wasnt one of my best days

Today wasn't one of my best days

I had needed to go to CVS to pick up some prescriptions. I had been putting it off till "we" got paid today. I get to CVS and go up to the counter to get my prescriptions. The "nice" lady picked up my prescriptions, rang them up with two other things I needed, and my total was only 31 and some odd dollars... Which I said "for real?" "That is how much one of them was suppose to be!" "I feel bad that I put it off when I could of picked it up sooner"(this is when she should of checked for all of my prescription should she of not?)... Leaving so confused?! Only to text Matt and tell him how weird it was that my prescriptions where and how the $ changed so much? weird... I look in my bag... They didn't give me all of them, ie that is why they were so cheap! When I called back asking  what was up I was told "I didn't pick it up and pay for it" Humm this is knew I didn't know I had the power to go behind the counter and pick all of my prescriptions up my self! News to me!! I should of done that when I was sick and was at CVS three times in four-five days!? ( Im sarcastic I apologize) This is when people are lucky I'm married to Matt!! I wanted to speak to a manager.... But I heard his voice in my head to relax! So on to my next stop

Kroger... I use to work there and still know quite a few of the gals and guys that work there! They are all fantastic and the hardest workers I know out side of my own family! ( just love going to see them all they are big fans of Lillian) It was ok until I realized my cart was JANK as in my boots should of been running shoes, it was awful I was sliding EVERY WHERE IN THE STORE. Picked out the Fur babies ( Milo 7, Lucy 6 and Brody 4) food etc, then onto my angel babies aisle got all that she needed... looked up at the aisle number. Crap next aisle over is my card section..:( Ok I can do this!! I go and see the loud loud loud cards for CODY!:)  Toy Story three he is 8 so he may not like it as much but it sings come on( Just in case I CAN send him my own update on how much I love and miss him) Then got my BF her late bday card.. Easy a friends singing card. She was there for me in my pregnancy so I'm here for her simple easy and one of my fave songs/show!:) Then to get Cody a more emotional card... I know they don't make cards for my situation and its hard to find one... this made me cry in the store:( I want to show and tell  him how much I love and miss him... But I got an ok card!! I hope it is a good one!! Then on too get yogurt and cheese yummm.. I hear one of my favorite students mom's voice!! I turn around all ready teary eyed and I see her with three kids... her third a girl i will call her S.. i know her she is rotten, then J he is a month older that Lil's he is so big!! She has a baby in her arms?! I was shocked, but happy for her!!(she got her tubes tied) She now has 5 kids and is maybe 30 if that!! woahw!! Come to find out her son Joe is in first grade and reading at a 4th grade level! tears again!! He was my project I knew he had all the love he could from her and just needed me to push him three years ago!!:) Im so so so proud of him!! I love you JOE!! Then she tell's me neither of them( her youngest's dad but he is raising them all I know him from the center a GREAT DADDY) are working and living with her parents.. five children, four adults in a three bed room house!! :( I at that point had to hold it in and be strong for her!! They are living on 50$ a week!! I don't carry cash for this reason... I would of gave her all my money!!I got her number to text and get picts of Joe!!:) He misses me well duhh Im Ms. Stephanie!! I was "his" hehe
Then to go get a cookie cake for my BF and I see a mommy that looked broken down and upset. She is getting a cake for a 8 year old little boy! I had to turn my head and bit my lip. I looked at the rafters and said SERIOUSLY!! Shock my head and went on. Matt called me in the store asking me to get some fries because my FRY SAUCE came in today!:) I hang up with him and seconds latter I get a call from a "Unknown number" The call gets dropped. I was so upset and had to keep cool. What if that was Cody's A mom? I was so up set and forgot alot of what I came to get and had to run back and go get what I needed once at the register.. All in all it was a hard trip then I look over at a BRAND NEW BABY at the register( her name is Lilly seriously commme on) Start to tear up again because her mommy had no interest in her, wasn't happy about it all and made it clear!

So tonight as I got home I decided that I was going to fix Brownies for dinner! Oh so glad I did I needed it bad!!!

I have been having a hard time getting to sleep latley.. My head has been rasing and going a mile a minuet! Mostly about Cody. I worry I wont get a update!! I need this I want this!! Its been a long three years with out  a update. Its been a long week filled with lots of prayers and tweeting. I hope next week I can deal with it all!! Thanks for reading! Had to get it out!!

                               I have been missing this boy lately too! My family pet he lived for over 11 years!                              
                                I miss you Junior Lee Prince!! Sissy loves you!! xoxo

Some Exciting News

 I have some exciting news and  I cant wait to share!

My/Our Agency asked me for some help, so of course I said for sure anything!! There is a new law in Indiana when it comes to information that can be given to birth mothers. (Where I am from) Now adoption agency's can list opinion of the agency and more information on  the adoption proses and how Birth mothers experiences were when they placed! I was asked to give my story and experience with my agency. My photos may be used. My agency felt as if it was silly not to use me because  I know both sides of the adoption triad. I want to be clear my job IS NOT to persuade possible birth mothers into placing but to just tell my story!! ( I am not a adoption professional in any way shape or form just a Birth mother turned Adoptive parent! who loves adoption and wants to be involved in it to help Birth mothers) I of course told my agency as long as my son, daughter and daughters birth mother are not effected I will be happy to do it!

While on the phone about my new opportunity I finally did it... I asked for an update on my son! The lovely lady in charge of such things said she will call them ask for a update to be sent. I also asked if I could send him letters and pictures. I don't know if and when she will send me pictures if at all. But she Cody's mom knows I want the pictures. The last time I revived pictures was at 5 years old. At that time we were suppose to discuss If I still wanted pictures. I thought I made it clear I did... nothing ever happened past the 5 year update.  The thing is if I do get pictures I don't know if I'm ever going to want them to stop coming. But if and when that happens we will have to again discus this. I still have many questions about my son and my situation. But I hope that more pictures can help my heart heal. The past three years has not helped my heart heal but made it worse on me. Cody's Birthday is next Friday!! Matt Lillian and I are going for Sushi and  Japanese grill to celebrate!:) Its my little tradition for two years or so. I always would take the day off and wahlo in my tears.. and the "date night" helps a bit.. and hello its SUSHI HERE! Once I get the call if the pics will happen from the agency I will be sure to BLOG my heart out! :) till then

                                                       Cody Lee at 5 years old :) Im a proud momma!

Sooooo What happen's when the once Fertile me becomes Infertile?

 What happen's when the once Fertile me becomes Infertile?
Answer my mom marries a man with a very fertile daughter.

My step sister is pregnant with my second nephew. In the back of my head I'm happy for her. But now I'm just sad and bitter again for myself. I told God that I'm sorry  for crying and being upset and that I have to watch my own little Infertile back. My mother had to forward the text message from my step sister. Yes your reading this correctly my Step sister told my parents she is pregnant again less than a year after her first one threw a text message! I don't expect anyone to cater to me, knowing what we went threw last year. But it would be nice for some consideration. Oh well.

Brody has his first surgery this morning. Poor baby doesn't like getting up early and didn't want mommy to leave him at the Vet. I will be calling the vet here soon to hear how he did!! I hope he did well! Not sure how long until we find out what the bump on his little boy chest is tho!

I want to go on vacation... bad so here are some RANDOM pictures of Matt and I on our LAST vacation. Where we decided to adopt!:)<3 and if you LOVE RENT like we do yess that is who you think it is! : 0) and Yes I MET HIM hehe!!! I miss you PHILLY I MISSS YOUUUU!

I'm among the living now!!

So it has been awhile since I blogged. I'm a new and a bad blogger. The past few day's and weeks are a blur a bit but it was a good time... most of it at least.

On December 18th my brother or bubby graduated from Ball State University with a business degree! I could not be more proud!!

On December 20th said brother turned 23... and I drove to his dinner alone:( and then had to drive home alone in horrible weather!

On December 24th which should be a happy day a "family" member got very up set with me for not going to a family function... long story short it was not a good day. Until I got to be with my Daddies side of the family and eat & play our White Elephant game! My Aunt Jan's veggie dip was amazing and I could not stop eating it! Which would be my last healthy meal.

On  December 25th yeay Christmas!! I made Cinnamon rolls and burnt them:( no good just have milk for breakfast.( not a good idea) We opened up gifts... Lillian did not feel well at this point she had been feeling sick for a day or so! I baked stupid deviled egg's again:( and a cheese cake which fared better than the rolls. Then we spent the evening with Matt's parents and siblings. Matt's Grandma wasn't feeling well she stayed home( next door to my mil & fil) So it was hard for everyone around. We opened gifts hung out ate dinner etc. But this is when Lillian and I took a turn for the sick.:( We went home and had a hard time getting and keeping Lillian to sleep.:( at my in laws I felt like I had something stuck in my throat the whole evening.

On December 26th we went to my mom's house... which is where my "family" member was... it was ok awkward and neither Lillian or I felt at all like being there but we stuck it out and opened more gifts and ate more food! Its the mid west see the pattern here haha! We latter went home where I think the Colts won that night? I'm not to sure... I was so sick at this point that I was popping things for my throat  and Advil!

On Decemeber 27th Lillian and I could finally get into the doctors... She had a Upper Respiratory Infection and was given Amoxocillion. I was told I have a virus and was given a Z pack... fail!! My body had the adverse side effect that they warn you about. I was taken off that and put on other meds..

On December 28th I still feel awful God awful.. Meds dont feel like they are working. Lillian feels better. But is still up in the middle of the night. My Dad and brother come over to give us the gifts from my Dad.. Long story all that matters is I sound like a man and Feel awful for two more days I dealt with it..

On December 31st I got new meds Amaoxocillin and cough syrup..hemm same thing Lillian is on  cut to today
January 3rd.. I feel better and still getting over it but I'm among the living again! Oh yeah Happy New Year NKOTBSB Wig Drop on Bravo 6 BOXES YES 6 BOXES Of Kleenex and lots of water and my favorite flavor of gator aide !!

I'm so Thankful to feel better and am HAPPY TO HAVE MY HUBS WHO TOOK CARE OF ME... even if he didn't want to get sick and slept on the couch haha But I'm sad he had to go back to work.

I don't want to say this is a New Years resolution at all But I decided that at the end of January I'm sending my Birth Son's adoptive parents (Cody's) a letter asking for pictures and a 8th Birthday card for him! I cant do it any more and the worst they do is tell me no! I'm also going to talk to the agency that we both used Kirsh and Kirsh and talking to them about the situation. Our adoption was and is "open" and I want to make sure I can get pics if I can!! Three long years is long enough!

I cant talk about my meltdown on the 26th in the evening... it has to do with Lillian and that  is all I'm saying  It also involves Infertility and I was embarrassed and sad at my self. But I now am being easier on my self. I have to deal with our IVF not working and it will take time.

We still arn't sure when we are doing IVF #2 but I hope in the future!  We want to pay down our credit card and have the money for the meds and visits that arnt covered by Attain etc.
We will see what happens and what God has for us!

But I'm in love with my family at the moment and look forward to 2011 with them! <3
How handsome are my brothers and how beautiful is my baby! I didn't get a good pic of Matt on Christmas!
 :(