Martin King Luther Day 2011.. 8 years ago I was preparing to give birth ( not the date but the day)

So today I went with my gf Heather to Babies r us. She is do on May 24th of this year(duhhher stephanie).
I enjoyed helping here threw all of the things we used and liked. I also  picked up a few things for my little bf Lillian who got to go on this trip with us.:) I oohed and odd looked at new bedding, showed her my favorite swing etc. It all hurt that I may never get to shop here for us ever again. If That is what God wants, that is what he wants.



We then got back into my little lime green SUV and drove to "where ever she wanted" we were also celebrating her Birthday! Next stop The Mother Hood store. This was hard on me more than Babies R Us. While Heather tried on maternity wear I kept my eye and focus on Lillian. ( well yes she is  toddler) But more keeping my focus on how much I love her, how much I thank God for her every second of every day. We played and looked at books. I watched Heather shop and was excited to think of how big she going to get.

We talked about her pregnancy, my pregnancy, my IVF, and everything in between. Then we drove her home. I was headed to get Matt and I Olive Garden.. But as soon as I left all I could do was cry or hold back my tears. This week is hard for me.  But its especially hard doing this after my embies are in heaven looking down on us! Heather still has no clue to what my due date would be... and we are going to keep it that way! I feel like I talk about my IVF failure enough she doesn't need to know!

My thought to my feelings from today now are as follows. I once had a pregnancy, I loved being pregnant. Yet no one loved that I was pregnant. I am a mother that got thee BIGGEST BLESSING IN THE WORLD, from the most amazing and wonderful woman I know. ( I know if this sounds awful please know Im in some emotional pain today) I may never have a pregnancy that every one is excited for me for, I may never get to wear maternity clothing. Maternity clothing that was not over ten years old and hand me downs. I may never get that picture of Lillian holding a baby brother or sister... ever!! AND THAT SUCKS!!  Im the most blessed and grateful mom in the world. But my heart wants what it wants. I have gave my self shots, taken thyroid pills, poas and watched my husband have surgery to have debt... debt.

I may not know what my lifes journey is going to end up like. But God Thank you for my gf Heather, my Son, my Daughter and my Husband!! With out pain in life we will never appreciate what good we have!
Im am blessed to have the people  around me that truly support and love me!! In real life and twitter.

This is all as its my bed time! Loves! <3