As you can guess as a a child I had a lot more understanding of adoption than your normal child. No I'm not adopted but I have always felt like adoption has always been in and apart of my heart. So as I was dating my son's father I told him... "if we ever get pregnant and are not married I will place our child for adoption" He being the man he is stuck to that and never let me forget it!( out of respect for my son I will not say his name and keep him out of this as much as I can, for this is My adoption journey)
In the summer of 2002 I became well aware that something in my body was not correct.. It started out as a funny reaction to tanning bed lights. Then on a family vacation I had a strange cold, headache, STRONG hunger, and the need to sleep alot! ( i slept alot as a teenager already) Well a few day's latter we boarded a ship for our Disney cruise... bad idea turns out if you are pregnant. The ship and I hated each other! Sea sick doesn't even begin to cover it! But on land I was my old self. When I got home for the most part I was back to normal just still tired. But two months latter or so I found out wile working out with my mom something was not correct. Two day's latter I took a home pregnancy test and discovered I was indeed with child. I as you can guess was scared and worried. I had just turned 18... no I wasn't 16 and pregnant but I was young.
Latter on in the week my son's father came home from his family vacation. I sat him down ( he know something was up) and told him we are going to be parents plan and simple I'm PREGNANT! He took it ok... My father and his mother however did not!! But amazingly his dad and my dad wanted us to parent and not place our chld adoption like we wanted... but that is getting ahead of the story.
Two weeks latter my mom called the attorney's Kirsh and Kirsh. We met with Steve and told him our plan, thoughts and hopes. Two day's latter after paper work was sent back in etc I had Dear Birth mother letters sent to my home. We received about six packages that at the time looked like scrap books( what time that must of took) My mom, sons's father and I said ok look them over find your top favorites but don't tell each other( done separately mom and I then my sons's father and I) Mom and I picked thee same profile!:) My son's father didn't like them the best but they were a strong second. We decided we would call the attorney's in the coming day's.
A few days latter I had my first Obgyn visit and ultra sound. I had no idea how far along I was, so I was in shock as was my mom, she went with me(sons father to busy insert eye roll) that I was three and a quarter months pregnant. Due January 24th 2003. I thought it was quite a regal due date!? Latter that month I decided to call Kirsh and Kirsh and say I found my child's parents!! I was so excited and proud that I made a strong desison for my child and myself. I told one of the "Kirsh boys"You can tell them but I need another week to pray, after that time we would like to meet them! All long after meeting with Kirsh and Kirsh boy's I started going threw counselling with my new friend Meg... I was scared of her a bit to be honest! But in the long run I grew to love and respect her! I met with her every month ta two weeks.
A few weeks latter I met my son's adoptive parents to be... We met at Stake N Shake.(CRAAAAVING IT0:) ) My mom, my sons father and myself. With there biological daughter in tow. We knew what they looked like but to them we were a mystery. I was so tiny and they had a hard time finding us!:) I sat at the head of the table( I kinda like teenage me for sitting there like I WAS IN CHARGE HERE) We sat and talked and ate... talked about likes dislikes, birth plans etc. I feel like my sons adoptive parents to be didn't know what to think of the meeting me. Scared that I would not place at all! But I already had it in my head that they were picked. All along I had a secret that I hadn't let slip yet and neither did my "family" I found out the day before I was carrying a boy!! When My son's mother and sister went to the bathroom my son's adoptive father asked me may I ask if you know what your having? I had a pregnant pause and told him as his wife and daughter arrived its a BOY! (I was so happy to be carrying a boy having all brothers even tho I thought he was going to be a girl ha) His mother said "excuse me did you say your having a boy?!" "WE ALL SURE ARE, HAVING A BOY" It was then I said I would like you to be his parents(patting my belly) with tears in my eyes. They hugged each other and cried along with me.
When I picked my sons parents June and Bob.. it was at that moment I feel my mom found a new great friend! They are both RN's and are so passionate about the Lord! They would talk on the phone alot... when I felt like I could not talk much. After the meeting at that Stake N Shake( which I cant eat in that exact restaurant for fear of crying anymore haha) I felt regret, fear, pain and the feeling that I lost my son... It was the hardest months of my life carrying him!! I became very very sick with Pre-eclampsia, not to forget how sad and depressed I had become. Until my mom reminded me you haven't placed yet and you have this time with him and only this time enjoy it. With the holidays fast approaching I looked to time with family friends and my senior year. At about 6 moths or so I was put on bed rest to only go to school... did I listen? Not so well I wish I had!
We invited June and Katie( my son's big sister) to a few of my appointments. I regret it now but I was a bit stand offish and quite to them. But in all honesty it was out of jeliousy! I wanted to be them excited, becoming a mommy with a family and baby showers. I was nice don't get me wrong. But I would cry and cry every time I saw them. June knew I was sick and could tell I was over being sick and not reaping any of the benefits. June got to go to one of the ultrasounds too! Finally the ultra sound Technion was polite to me. After I introduced June as "this little guy's mom" She and I cried when we saw him and later both went home with ultra sound pictures.
The holiday's came and we talked to the agency and June and Bob on what I wanted. I wanted my mom and son's father in the delivery room. I was going to keep my son with me the entire time at the hospital. June and Bob may come to visit but not to stay. As soon as I was ready I would sign the papers for the adoption. When I was set to go home, and my son was set to go home that is when they would be handed my little boy! Late January my Pre-eclampsia took its toll on me, my doctors said we need to get him out. He has grown enough and you cant take much more( I didn't want him to be out but I wanted to feel some what alive) So on January the 17th (a Friday) my doctors said you will be induced on Tuesday January 21'st EARLY in the am. I argued with my Doctor and mom... its to soon its too soon he isn't due till the 24th! It was then that I was told Steph he has to come out your sick its life or death situation. I then agreed... upset but was told you will feel so much better after you deliver him. While we were leaving I my doctor guess I will see you in four days. She pulled me aside and said Stephanie I know this is so hard on you... but you can see in your stuburn eyes that your done and cant take much else. It was then I looked her in the eye and said " you'd be surprised what this little body can take" When you love something so much that you can have you have got to hold on to it as tight and stuburn as you can!
Its so amazing that love you have for a child growing in your womb. One thing that I thank God he gave to me when he did. May it not be at the time I thought it was. I was and still am thee proudest birth mothers you will ever meet!
More to come on the delivery and placement this evening.
No comments:
Post a Comment