So this week I spoke with Kirsh and Kirsh two times. I called and spoke to Lauren the Corresponding specialist on Wednesday. She said that they still hadn't heard anything from Cody's mom or revived my update to hold for pick up or mail to me. Lauren only has the info on Cody and his family that Cody's mother is willing to share. At this point in time that is just her personal email and address. She is obviously not responding to the last emails (three I think). Lauren then tells me she is going to have Steve (my favorite of my two lawyers but shhh don't tell) write a letter and send to Cody's mom and dad, in few days if they haven't contacted them back. I called back Friday with some hope in my heart that I think God put there just for this reason. Lauren and Steve are composing a letter this week to send to Cody's family.. Hopefully that puts a fire under there butts.
Today in Mass I learned that we should always forgive those that do us wrong and turn the other cheek. Which I know to be true with out hearing it. But I needed to hear it. I don't know why Cody's mom isn't sending my update, so I'm trying to be understanding and not mad about this situation. It is so hard to do so.. but I'm trying.
Ever since my first letters and cards to Cody (and his a family) I have worried that what I write, feel or express may hurt Cody or his family.. I also have felt like I may confuse or worry them. When I write to them I want them to know that what I'm writing is how I feel and what I want to say to my son. Yes I think about his family. But our letters are our letters. I don't get to see or speak with my son. Not by my choice, but writing is my only communication to him. I have decided that even if Cody's family doesn't send me an update I will continue to write and send letters/ cards. Even if I can't see him he will know my love for him! For my love is so strong for him.. and that is the ONLY reason I stopped being selfish thinking about my self and thought about him and his needs.
I have talked/wrote a bit about what I'm going to write now so please read past blogs, if need be.
When I placed Cody I thought I was ready for what was going to happen and what I was going to feel. But truth be told I had no idea what I would feel. When I was at home for the two weeks after (till I went back to HS hell) I wanted him back. I wanted him back bad.. I wasn't thinking of his family or his biological father. I was thinking about CODY AND I for once. I wanted to do what I had to do to get him back. But I never had the $ or power. When I had my counseling with Meg(see other blogs) I cried and my daddy begged for info on how to get him back.. Meg said what about the adoptive family Stephanie.. I then cried back WHAT ABOUT ME NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME! I'm not a selfish person at all... I didn't want to put them threw any pain or anguish. When I was in emotional pain this week I asked Matt.. if I wasn't allowed to be selfish.. Why does Cody's mom? It is not fare to me or Cody.
8 years into the adoption "game" and I still don't understand it all. I like to think I'm still learning. I don't believe I will ever "know it all" But this I don't know if I will ever ever understand. I'm trying but failing at it.
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