Still waiting

 I am STILL WAITING on my up date. I have been calling and calling and calling Kirsh and Kirsh to see if they have any news for me?! Still nothing. I called last week and told the CS that I'm sorry I'm bugging her so much. She pulled up my file and said.. hum it has been a month that is plenty enough time to get a update to me. So she said she would email again... and call me back when she had heard something more. Friday late afternoon Kirsh and Kirsh's CS called to tell me she still hadn't heard anything.. she was going to keep me updated and would call the second she heard something. If I haven't heard from her by Wednesday I'm to call her back. She could hear the disappointment in my voice. I think she feel's bad for me, I don't want that I just want my update.

So here I sit Tuesday night. With my mind going and going. I don't know what to think any more. Nor do I know what  the CS is going to say to me in the morning. It scares me to pieces, Its not like Kirsh and Kirsh can  "do anything" if Cody's A mom refuses to send anything. I just don't know or understand. How she could be so excited to send the update to me, and a month latter I sit her with less info on Cody than I had when I started my update search. I'm trying to not take it personally. But its hard. I gave a large chunk of my heart to Cody's A mom when I placed him. She now has all the power when it comes to me and Cody. I'm not a person the thrives on power. But I have none and it makes it strain on my heart.

I also worry and think about the possibility that Cody's A mom didn't give him his package and cards. I sent him a valentines day card too. What if he is kept from my love? I am his only birth parents that want's to be in his life and is trying to. He deserves so much love and time from us. If he isn't being told how I feel will he ever be told?

I just want to scream loudly! I will keep you all updated when I hear back Wednesday.. I might pull a I just woke up and Im calling you from my bed move.. I want it that bad!! If you pray please pray for some good news, or keep me in your thoughts! Love lots<3

 

all images from Google